"Confidence, Sense of Humor & Unpredictability are the most important traits to get any girl!
They will counter the need for Good-Looks & Money!"

---The Clown

Go Clown - The Bad Boy Novel!

Go Clown Sample/Excerpt

-- Shatrugna Vadwlas (About the Author)

(The Only Indian Novel whose 100% Reviews call it "Awesome" on Amazon/Flipkart/Goodreads!)

This August 15th (Aug 21st, 28th & Sept 4th) Azaadi from Boring Indian Novels, same old Movies, and "No Girlfriend" Life! Get a free Kindle version of "Go Clown" - India's Biggest Comedy Novel on Amazon India
P.S: Kanhaiya Kumar, sorry no Azaadi for you!

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Excerpt/Sample 1

An hour later the train stopped and the lights went out. It was hot and humid, everyone was in a deep sleep, floating like dead bodies in their own sea of sweat. Sometime later the train picked up pace and the fans started running again. As the night passed by, there wasn’t even a single noise except for the train humming away. At this instance, Kiriti by chance happened to look at Tijo’s berth. In the darkness of the night Tijo and Shira, two thirsty young bodies were trying to satiate their desires. The desire of their youth and their lust for love. Their naked bodies were entwined like silk threads forming a fabric which created a picture depicting their passion for pleasure. The muscular Tijo was taking his time and thrusting his way steadily, to take his lady onto the cliffs of her heightened pleasures, following which, the deepest spots in the valley of her womanhood, located in the ripe body, were stimulated by the first drops of his rain of passion. For her part, the delicate virgin was expressing her hunger by writing poetry on his shiny black body with her slight nails dug deep in his skin. Their passions were like the cycles of the moon, reaching their full glory as seen in the dim external lights of the passing stations, shone on their bare selves, followed by a thick darkness which seemed to silence even their cries for ecstasy. Tijo was enjoying every single curve of Shira’s body and then they eventually fused into a whole, erasing all the physical boundaries.

After digesting his initial shock at this unexpected display of passion, Kiriti closed his eyes, lost in his own thoughts with his faithful friend the man-compass as always pointing to the skies, while the train seemed to be flying on the earth, following its own compass.

Get your tickets to the Great Indian Circus at Amazon, Flipkart.

Excerpt/Sample 2

The Clown said “As you know the Bangu’s would do anything for panoo! And I would give them what they want, as a part of my election promise!” Panoo for the Bangu’s meant Blue-film (Pornography). The Clown knew this well as every now and then he would poke into serious conversations which they were having, or crash into gatherings in their rooms, or interrupt their discussions over dinner and would shout “Panoooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” It was enough to put a million watt smile on their horny and lustful faces.

The Clown was serious enough to put it into action. The highlight of his campaign was when he promised special brand cigarettes as an option to ice-cream, a practice which was already established in the senior halls of dining. Such issues were under the authority of the hall president and the mess suppliers usually wrote sweets for cigarettes in the books, for auditing purposes.

The Clown won the elections with a resounding margin and the due day approached for the panoo movie to be broadcast. They carefully unhooked the cable connection from the TV in the common room of their residence hall and brought out the rented CD player (from the nearby second hand Chitty market) and the disc of a C-grade Bollywood movie which was “panoo” enough for them. Everyone waited with bated breath as the Clown carefully removed the disc from its case and in a theatrically funny manner inserted it into the player, with all pomp. Alas! There was a brief screen which showed the name “Jab tak rahegi Saali. Poori saal Diwalee!” (Until the sister-in-law is here, its Diwali all year!), accompanied by a dirty music, hastily put up by a cheap music director who must have specialized in giving music to such C-grade movies. If there was a birthday party for the ghosts in the graveyard and this tune were to be played, they would have gone back to their graves never to resurface in a million years! But then something happened which broke more than a couple of hundred hearts.

The disc was all scratched up and it wouldn’t play. For an hour or so the Clown and the other would-be engineers tried fixing it, but to no avail. And thus ended the peaks of glory which could have been seen by the rule of the Clown as a hall president. But one person who would take this to heart was Chiroo, a Bangu student of Chemical engineering who was the blue eyed boy and the pet of the Bangu’s in their batch. Now this Chiroo was a child in a giant’s body and was fat enough to occupy three people’s space easily. He would talk in a dumb-witted way, enjoyed by his Bangu peers, who pampered him in return and pinched the nipples of his sagging man-boobs in a teasing way. Chiroo was so disappointed that he went to the Clown and said “Give me panoooo yaaar!” in a slightly upset tone, encouraged by his Bangu supporters. The Clown laughed loudly at him in amusement and it was enough to scare away the chicken-hearted Chiroo. And from then on whenever he saw Chiroo, the clown would shout “Give me panoooo yaaar!” whether it was a classroom, the college canteen or the open roads. To this the Bangu friends of Chiroo who would be accompanying him, would laugh and cheer, not knowing what else to do. This made a star out of the Clown, his comedy was now well-known and his circus knew no strangers.

"Go Clown" salutes the brave men and women of the Indian Army. Go Clown has been to Siachen, Leh & Ladakh, with the Indian Army to be their partner for Comedy! 10% of the sales will be given to National Defence Fund and details will be uploaded on this website. Jai Hind!

Excerpt/Sample 3

..And for the fresh smell of India called the young Indian generation who are smart and who cannot be withheld, I take a deep breath by the name of lord Kartikeya and I fight on in minus thirty temperature. It keeps me warm inside and no noise from JNU or anywhere else will dishearten my spirit.”

With Siddapa’s words Kiriti’s faith in India was reinforced again and he carried on. Some months later he came to know about the tragic death of Lance Naik Siddapa, killed by Pakistani fire. Meanwhile the lost youth in JNU still vowed to fight for an unknown freedom, very much detached from Siddapa’s concept of India.

Excerpt/Sample 4

A few days later Arundhati asked Kiriti to invite over her cousin sister’s daughter, who lived in Philadelphia, so they could spend some time. She thought that maybe it would also help him get rid of his boredom. “Chakee” was her name. Kiriti had never met her and even if he met her as a child, he did not remember it. She was slightly younger than him and worked as an engineer, living along with a couple of roommates. “Oh Brother! How are you?” she said as soon as she met Kiriti.

Kiriti who took some time to warm up to people, tried being nice to her, like a good elder brother. But she spoke like they were a real brother and sister, who grew up in the same home. After a few weeks, she came by again, for the weekend. Slowly they reached a good comfort level and would talk frequently. But it took some time for Kiriti to realize that she was in love. Not with any man, but a woman! And it wasn’t any other woman, but herself. She was madly in love with herself! Not to a normal extent, but to unimaginable levels. The peaks of narcissism and self-love in her were already surmounted.

“Buy me that purse brother! Oh you didn’t show me that movie brother! Take me to that restaurant” She would ask of Kiriti. She liked being pampered, not only by Kiriti but anyone and everyone. Everyone should pay attention to her, no matter where she went. She spoke of all the guys who looked at her and asked her out. “I can’t even go to the gym properly, they all stare at me!” she would say to Kiriti. The one time that Kiriti visited her house, after several hours of drive, she did not even bother to ask Kiriti if he was thirsty, nevertheless offer him something to eat. On a separate occasion, when she went to a mall along with a bunch of friends, she acted as if she was fainting suddenly, when she felt that the guys and gals around weren’t giving enough attention to her. She would talk only about her and liked hearing only about herself.

And then there were the ones who followed her too. She maintained an army of Indian guys at her beck and call. One would approach her at lunch and offer to take her out to a restaurant. Another for a movie, a different one for a coffee on a weekend. Some other would bring her delicacies, which he himself cooked. And she enjoyed all of the attention, while making them feel jealous of each other.

Kiriti did try and pamper her for a while after which he was bored, even of his little sister, due to his own blues. Then she would show him her battalion of Facebook followers. They were spread across two countries, India and America. Her weekend outing to the mall was a session of fashion photography, thanks to the guys with their SLR cameras.

And then she would trim and upload her pictures on Facebook. The music of “Likes” would start to play. She would check every five or ten minutes to be up-to-date on her count of “likes”. And then there would be the comments too.

“You are looking very pretty, Chakee. We should catch up sometime”,

“Princess Chakee, breaking hearts. Please remember me also!”

“Awesome picture Chakee. By the way are you in US? I am in Bangalore. My number is 9222343534. What is your number?”

“Fashion show in Philadelphia, great Chakee! I called you. Did you change your number?”

Chakee would proudly shine in the glory of this light coming from her Facebook profile, which was much brighter than the one emitted by her computer screen.

And then there were her daily updates.

“Just checked into coffee shop. Drinking coffee”

This was followed by fifty likes and about ten comments. The comments would be mostly like “What are you drinking?” “Take some extra sugar too, yaar!” “Why you chose that White coloured cup?” There would be a thread of discussions too, triggered by someone else commenting on an already existing comment.

“At the gym”
60 likes, 30 comments

“At the mall, bought a jeans!” (picture of Chakee’s new jeans)
25 likes, 14 comments

“Me eating” (picture of Chakee eating an ice-cream)
“45 likes, 18 comments”

“Working now, some office work left” (picture of Chakee with her laptop)
“34 likes, 11 comments”

“Me in my cubicle” (picture of Chakee at her office desk)
“66 likes, 40 comments”

“My car, after a car wash!” (picture of Chakee’s old car, after a new car wash)
“44 likes, 14 comments”

“Just had a shower”
80 likes, 12 comments, 10 new friend requests

* * *

And finally when the day was done. “Sleeping now. Reading this book Go Clown!” (picture of Chakee and “Go Clown”, the book she was reading)
“55 likes, 22 comments”

Wherever she went, they followed her, like a giant fish being followed by a swarm of small fish that swam in a group, making a formation, a shape that would exactly resemble the big fish.

Meanwhile Kiriti was still unhappy, for reasons unknown to him. It was almost a year since his India visit. Chakee who decided that it was time to get married, asked her parents to look for a suitable match. She did not like any of the ones she saw, spoke to and even met in America, and her parents gave up. They told her that there was no doubt in their minds that she was the most beautiful and intelligent woman in the world (in all seriousness), and hence it was getting difficult for them to find a suitable match, but asked her to let them know if she liked anyone.

One day Chakee asked Kiriti to recommend some of his eligible friends to her. Kiriti said “You are too high maintenance and low mileage Chakee, so no one suitable in my friends!” Chakee who did not get it scratched her head and smiled.

Then she met someone who himself was trying to get engaged. He was a nice guy who was rejected earlier by some potential wives for the reason that he tried to “talk too much too early and tried to get too close, besides sending many gifts”. All of this was even before getting married, as per them. He would promise them a new car on their first birthday after marriage. He once proudly told one of them, about how he scolded a colleague, saying that it was none of his business, when asked by him as to which software technology he worked in, on the first day of his job! In spite of his innocence and naivety there was something which protected this young man which no one would dislike. It was his dad’s six or so motels in Canada.

But Chakee who complained of never getting enough attention from her men, because of the fact that there were only twenty four hours in the day, liked all this attention from him and besides the pampering, with both time and money.

At the marriage held in India all the relatives and the extended family, besides the family- friends, praised the groom. The volume of their admiration increased, when they got to know of the six hotels his dad owned in Canada. “Look at him, the groom is so fair and handsome that if you pinch his cheeks, milk will flow out of it!” the bride’s parents would boast to everyone who came on to the dais to wish the couple. This in spite of his slightly bald head, pot belly and an unstable job situation.

So started the saga of Chakee and this man, husband and wife now, as seen by everyone and even Kiriti (who opened the same old Facebook page out of boredom every day!)

“My new shoes, bought by my hubby” (Chakee’s new shoes picture)
“25 likes, 8 comments”

“Oye! Wear them too!” (Chakee’s husband)
“20 likes, 10 comments”

“Missing you Wifey” (Chakee’s husband)
“22 likes, 18 comments”

“Work properly Hubbie” (Chakee)
“50 likes, 30 comments”

“I am home Chakee. Where are the Keys?” (Chakee’s husband)
“10 likes, 5 comments”

“We having dinner” (Chakee and hubbie, kissing at a restaurant, picture uploaded)
“28 likes, 10 comments”

“We are shopping for carrots” (picture of vegetables at the departmental store by Chakee)
“30 likes, 10 comments”

“Hello darling wifey, which movie shall we watch?”
“40 likes, 40 comments”

“Want to watch a horror movie yaar”
“30 likes, 10 comments”

And on such days and nights, full of likes and comments, the story of Chakee, her husband and their love continued on Facebook and beyond!

Go Clown - Read, Laugh, Cry (with Laughter!), & Repeat - India's Biggest Comedy in Literature!

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And what is the 2000 year old Surprise Gift with the Novel? Any Guesses?